Aerostar
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Registered: 10/07/05
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Reply with quote | #1 |
I'm Proud to Announce That Britain Leads the World in Moat-Dredging
Richard Littlejohn in the Daily Mail, May 2009
Contrary to the latest reports from the Bank of England and the IMF, the Government claims to detect 'green shoots' in the economy.
The Prime Minister outlined his reasons to be cheerful in a speech at Broadmoor. Here are the edited highlights:
'Governor, fellow inmates, it gives me great pleasure to present to you conclusive evidence that Britain is well on the way to recovery.
'Everywhere I look, I see green shoots as a result of our investment. For instance, estate agents report a booming trade in second homes in the Westminster area, giving a much-needed boost to the strategically important property speculation industry.
'Such is the growing confidence that some investors have purchased as many as three flats in a single year. The Chancellor of the Exchequer, Mr Darling, has given a firm lead, buying and furnishing four different homes in quick succession.
'This has been possible only because of a number of flexible schemes we have made available, including repayment-free mortgages and the ability to reclaim stamp duty from the taxpayer.
'The market has also reacted well to our decision to allow sellers to avoid Capital Gains Tax.
'In turn, this has had a significant knock-on effect in the retail sector, with John Lewis and Ikea reporting record profits across the board.
'Sales of flat- screen televisions and other electrical goods are at an all-time high as consumer confidence returns.
'I was talking recently to the manager of the Leicester branch of John Lewis and he told me that one regular customer had cleaned out his entire stock of silk cushions in a single visit.
-continued-
Quote: 'Britain will come out of this global recession fitter and stronger, or my name's not Napoleon XIV.'
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